Proud and Thankful for her life, yet RAW. Her vices ripped away, her hurts resurfacing, left broken open, pulsing with every heartbeat. They will not stay quiet. She sees the love and blessings and goodness around her yet she can't escape the aches, the emotions, refusing to be ignored any longer.
"I have not given you this knowledge and awareness for you not to DO something with it." he says. "Your old ways will not work any longer, you have let me lead you this far, but no farther?" "Do you not know the plans I have for you? Beauty and Love shining brighter than even what you see before you now, but you must release the darkness to let the Light in. You must grieve, to forgive yourself and others."
"Do you not know that they are only emotions? Why do you fear to feel them? They will not break you, I have built you stronger than that. They are only to mold you, to create in you a heart like HIS. You ask me to make you see life and others as I do, this is the way to learn to see. Do not fear the journey, open your heart, break down your walls, trust me, let ME lead you on."
Here is a horrible quality, cropped version of today's face, due to both camera's and my cell phone all R.I.P!!
This is oil pastel on scrap wood. The message journaled with her face is:
May I see others with your eyes, May I hear your calling, May I speak your words and share your love, May I seek to grow more with you, May my journey show your Grace and Peace.
Striving for making choices from my "True" Heart in order to have a "True" Mind, not one cluttered with outside influences, people pleasing, and self doubt. I find it interesting that when I step back and look at the face that I created while reflecting on this, she seems to have a studious, or concentrated look. That is all too fitting, since this is an action that takes great concentration and practice for me!
Here it is, in all it's "raw-ness", my first face for my 29 Faces challenge! Ironically there is no face per se, I was painting for feeling, release of emotion and the emotion I was struggling with was one that I am sure most Mother's have, so I felt it appropriate that the face remain blank to symbolize all mothers. The emotion I wanted to acknowledge is the ache when your children ache, that unending desire to be a Force Field of protection for them. To protect our children from hurt, pain, loss etc. But the colors I chose were soothing and bright to represent my recent realization of how my children grow so beautifully through their struggles and pain and shine even brighter on the other side of them. It also symbolizes the beauty and "enough-ness" of me just floating beside them through their pain. Realizing that fixing things for them is not as meaningful as just walking along with them through the pain, feeling their pain with them and celebrating the beauty they gain on the other side.
This painting for me was a journal documentation of learning the important lesson of walking beside my children and not clearing the path for them.
Being a commit-a-phob I hate to even publish that I am going to try and do something, but this is so intriguing to me and heaven knows I need a kick in the pants! Lets see how I do, even if I do half of the 29 that is good for me! ;) I will probably be publishing all 29 faces on May 31st! That's how I roll!